I have to admit, I struggled singing these lyrics in church on Sunday. As I sang these words, I reflected on this difficult time as we await Mason’s surgery. As much as I truly believe that God is good all the time, I found it difficult to say these words out loud.
When I think about Mason’s upcoming surgery, I’m reminded of a lesson that I learned halfway through my pregnancy. When we first found out about Mason’s heart defects, we were prompted to get genetic testing. My blood was tested for Trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome), Trisomy 18 (Edward syndrome), and Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). It is uncommon for babies born with Trisomy 13 or Trisomy 18 to survive full term and if they do, it is uncommon for them to live long after birth. The two weeks I waited to find out the results of this test were agonizing.
But during those two weeks, God taught me a big lesson- that Mason does not belong to me. I believe that God created man.
Genesis 1:27- “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Therefore, we belong to our Creator. Mason was created by God and God gave Mason to Tim and me and entrusted us with his life. Even though we are entrusted with his life, Mason still belongs to God. I also believe that God gives and takes away.
Job 1:21 “….The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Because God owns us, it is his right, and his right alone, to give and take away life.
No matter what the outcome of the test results were, I was going to be thankful for the life that God entrusted me with. I was going to enjoy every kick, every hiccup, and every part of the living baby that was inside of me. I was going to be thankful for the days that God allowed me to be Mason’s mom, no matter how numbered they were. Thankfully, the results of Mason’s test were that he had Trisomy 21. I vowed to cherish every day of Mason’s life inside and outside of the womb. I prayed that God would never allow me to forget how precious and fleeting life is and that I would praise Him and thank Him for every day of Mason’s life.
Now here I am, anxiously awaiting Mason’s open heart surgery, and not knowing that the outcome will be. His AV canal defect is common among kids with Down syndrome and the surgeons are experienced in repairing this defect. But, Mason has a second defect called a double outlet right ventricle which is not common and makes the surgery more risky. I am reminded again of this lesson that Mason does not belong to me and that God can chose to take Mason away if it’s His will.
I know that God is Sovereign and that His will will be done. What scares me, is what if it’s His will to take Mason? The thought is terrifying, but I have to trust God and know that He is good.
Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
If God chooses to take Mason away, I will be thankful for the time that I’ve had as Mason’s mom and I will praise God’s great name. If God chooses to continue to entrusts us with Mason’s life, I will be thankful for the time that I’ve had and will continue to have as Mason’s mom and I will praise God’s great name. No matter what the outcome is, God is good all the time!